


Losing What We Never Had

by LMjuniper



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Found Family, Lesbian Character, Lesbians in Space, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Burn, Smut, This is canon now, Tsundere!Miranda, Version 2.0, shits about to get real crazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-30 20:17:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMjuniper/pseuds/LMjuniper
Summary: Rue Shepard never planned on getting herself dead but things never really go as planned, do they?Miranda Lawson, director of Project Lazarus has it all figured out, no time for heroes, friends, and even less so love. And yet somehow she finds herself drawn to the Commander and before either of them knows it, they're in deeper than they ever could have anticipated.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni, Miranda Lawson/Female Shepard
Comments: 16
Kudos: 40





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really old fic from my FF.net profile. I'm dusting it off and reworking it in places. 
> 
> As always, canon WHAT CANON?!
> 
> Hope you enjoy. If you do, you know what do to at the end of the chapter. (Facit: leave a comment and kudos)
> 
> ~L.M

* * *

_I knew she was never really mine, that one day she would slip away from me. I always knew I would lose her. If not to the Reapers, then to the Normandy, maybe even to her duty as a spectre, the whole of the galaxy depending on her. But most of all I feared losing her to someone else. Not to just someone. To her._

* * *

SHE THOUGHT HER VOICE MIGHT CRACK, or get stuck in her throat. Fail her. That her shaking knees would not carry her weight any more. Fold beneath her.  
  
"I'm sorry..."  
  
Forcing herself to speak she spoke with as much calmness she could muster. "Don't worry Shepard, I... understand." Looking across the commander's shoulder she took a deep breath. "You should go, she's waiting..." Her voice broke then and she covered her mouth with her soft, small hand to muffle an involuntary sob.

Rue moved towards her, but she withdrew quickly waving her hands dismissively at the commander, clearing her throat. "No, don't... mind me. I'm fine, I just... I'm tired that's all."  
  
Rue frowned, blood-red hair falling stubbornly in her face. "Are you sure?"  
  
She nodded numbly. "I'll see you around commander. I...hope the two of you find happiness." Sitting back into her chair behind her large desk she stared indifferently at the commander who nodded before retreating from her spacious office. The metal doors slid and closed with a faint hiss behind the commander as she left.  
  
She wanted to call after the commander, beg her to stay, plead for Rue to return the heart she had given so solely to her. But she didn't. She was far too proud for that. Instead she picked up the electronic dossier that lay on the desk before her. She had turned it off when Rue had come to speak to her, but now she switched it on again.

The blue screen flickered at her and her vision blurred with the hot tears that fell from her eyes landing with graceful splashes on the small screen in her hand.  
  
[_Patient status: Pregnant._]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... here we go!  
Please leave a comment. Don't know what to say? Consider any if these:
> 
> 1\. Who do you think this perspective is from?  
2\. Pregnant?! Who? How?  
3\. Are you gonna read the rest?


	2. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only just realised this story is 10 years old. Damn.  
Time flies when you have fun, eh?  
Lots of changes made. Might not even be the same story now. Haha!

* * *

_I am no one special, not once did I believe I would have a hand in saving the galaxy. I was told I was great, yes. But I never believed it, not really, and I never liked trying to live up to the expectations of others. Perhaps they were all right when they said that I rebelled when I left. In a way, I did, at the same time as I didn't. Still here I am. I thought I would stand by her side when the moment comes, now I'm not so sure any more, but I'm getting ahead of myself. This isn't how it started. No, it started a long time ago._

* * *

RUE SHEPARD EYED HER NEW CREW SIGHING INWARDLY. There was the director of the Lazarus project: Miranda. The loyal femme fatale who put all her faith in the organisation she was working for. For some strange reason, Miranda seemed to dislike her very strongly despite the fact that she had dedicated the last two years of her life to make sure Rue was put back together. The exact same way she was before she managed to get herself blown up, tossed into space, the rip in her air tank exposing her to extreme vacuum, and sub-zero degrees, turning her lunges into ice. So what was it that made the director dislike her so?

The commander's eyes trailed the grey lining of the large table until they rested on Jacob. He was leaning into his chair, flicking a pen between his fingers looking as relaxed as ever. He seemed to be Miranda's opposite. Miranda showed no emotion, and wore a cold mask most of the time, her whole appearance screaming for everyone to _Stay. Away._ Jacob, on the other hand, was the idealist, who seemed to–much like Shepard herself–be able to advise both his feelings and logic in whatever situation arose and from what little she knew about this former alliance soldier, she liked.

From what little she'd seen both Miranda and Jacob were rather effective on the field. In fact, they were both strong soldiers with great battle skills and Rue had no doubt they could handle themselves, but they weren't... the same as the others. It had been different on the Normandy, the old, _original_ Normandy.

At first the tension between the humans and aliens had been somewhat delicate, but they lived through so much, too much, saw things others didn't even see in their worst nightmares, and it brought them together, increased crew morale. Even gunnery chief Williams had put aside her blatant dislike of the aliens, and when they faced the final battle against Saren and Sovereign they stood united as one, strong crew.

But those days were gone, and Shepard was far too experienced to be feeling like this. She had changed units several times, why was this any different? It shouldn't be. Besides Joker had joined Cerberus and was still her pilot and this–Miranda and Jacob–was the only team she had until... Her gaze fell on the dossiers before her –the Illusive Man's suggestions for companions. She didn't like the feeling of being manipulated by this Cerberus group. A group, classed by the Alliance as a terrorist organisation, fighting for humanity. Protecting humans was a worthy cause, but Cerberus' measures, their manifesto was extremist.

And yet Rue knew she didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Yes, The Illusive Man had said it was up to her to decide whether she wanted to work for Cerberus or not. She snorted. But no matter what the Illusive Man said, she knew that with the fortune he had spent on her, he was unlikely to just let her walk away. Then again, he could try to kill her, though she doubted he would. Four billion credits weren't something you simply killed off for not co-operating with you. Besides, she didn't work for them, she _used_ them to achieve what she wanted, and what she wanted was the threat of the Reapers eliminated. Cerberus had the resources to do so.

She looked up again, locking eyes with Miranda's defiant gaze. _She doesn't like me being in charge_.

"Fine. Suit up. We're going to find this Archangel."

"I'm glad you chose to take the Illusive Man's advice," Miranda said with her heavy Australian accent. Rue merely nodded before returning to the captain's quarters.

* * *

"That's it?" Rue asked, trying to mask her surprise where she stood, suited up in her heavy armour, staring at the director, who, hadn't changed into anything else, but wore the same catsuit as before with the black high heeled boots that reached to her knees. The suit wrapped itself rather nicely around the director's body, revealing a fair amount of skin.

"Is there a problem commander?" Miranda gave her a flat stare.

"Miranda. We're heading into Omega, 'haven for all criminals', safeguard to murderers, petty duct rats, and god knows what. To say we'll bump into quite some resistance along the way is probably an understatement. And you're wearing _that_."

Miranda gave a confused frown and she glanced down at herself. "What's wrong with this?"

"What's it made of?" Rue asked pinching the sleeve drawing an irritable groan from the director. "My pinch hurt? Well, imagine being shoot at in that then." Rue reprimanded her.

"I assure you, Commander, I can handle myself. Bullets are the least of my problems," she said raising her eyebrow. "Just focus on your task and I'll worry about keeping the subject alive. That would be you."

"Charming," Rue answered sourly.

"I'm here to make sure you succeed with the mission, not to be charming." Miranda retorted coldly.

Snorting Rue watched the cold beauty fall behind her as they moved to leave the Normandy replica.

* * *

Omega was anything but grand. It was dark and murky, a perfect planet for outlaws. Perhaps that was why it had become the harbour for anyone who lived outside the law. Rue recalled having heard tales of its spectacular design before the elegant planet had turned into the miserable place it now was. Shabby, new buildings had been built haphazardly all across the Omega, and the stench in the poorer districts was foul.

Beggars and duct rats scurried out of their way as they navigated through the thin, twisting streets towards Archangel's hideout. The professor had been recruited and secured, now all that was left to do before they could back to the Normandy was to find this Archangel. Rue wasn't sure why, but something about the Archangel felt familiar. Reading his dossier she thought he reminded her of someone, but she couldn't put her finger on who.

Something at the far end caught her attention and she stopped dead in her tracks. Motioning for the others to take cover she pulled her shotgun from her belt raising it in front of her eyes as she slipped into the shadows, using them as a cover as she eased down the street.

She spotted the first freelancer without much problem. He was pacing back and forth, his back turned towards them. _Too easy!_ She could finish him off easily with her shotgun, but it would make a mess and draw the attention of nearby enemies. Unhooking her sniper rifle from her back she aimed it at the unknowing freelancer. One shot. The freelancer fell lifeless to the floor.

"Nice." She heard Jacob whisper in her earpiece.

"Let's move on. Stay behind me and stick to the shadows,"she ordered as she slipped passed the dead freelancer, still hidden by the dark shadows.

_We're losing time_. She thought where they crept along. They better pace it up if they were going to get back to the Normandy before nightfall. She was rounding the corner when Miranda's voice rang out sharply in her ear. "Careful Shepard, enemies ahead!"

Mercenaries came at them from all angles firing off their weapons. Containers flew into the air, mechs were pulled up and thrust backwards by Miranda's biotic power. Jacob was right beside her firing off his shotguns, attacking them with his own biotics while Rue was taking out the freelancers that hid behind the well-stocked shelves in the large storage room. They were moving forward, if slowly, when a group of mechs appeared-seemingly out of nowhere-at Miranda and Jacob's left flank.

"On your left!" Rue warned before diving in behind the two biotics, shielding their backs, her M-5's bullets crushing the new group of enemies. She felt something slam against her shoulder, an intense burning spreading through the whole of her side and she staggered backwards before the last mech fell lifeless to the ground.

* * *

Rue grimaced as Miranda propped her up against a metal container. One of the mech's bullets had managed to wedge itself into her shoulder.

"That was reckless," Miranda said softly. Her blue eyes studied Rue's face as she placed her omni-tool above Rue's wounded shoulder. There was a clicking noise and the bullet was pulled out from the wound, dropping to the floor.

"God. Damn it!" Rue hissed through clenched teeth before the stabbing pain was numbed, replaced by a dull throbbing.

"I'm sorry, but this tissue costs a fortune, I can't really let you ruin it with bullets."

"I swear to God you'd leave me here to die if I wasn't your project," Rue muttered.

"Considering your previous achievements I doubt it would take one simple bullet to kill you, but yes, probably. Though as it is, you're worth a fortune," the director said flatly, but Rue caught the faintest hint of a smile glint in Miranda's eyes.

"Lucky me. Now let's finish this off."

* * *

Garrus. All the time Archangel had been Garrus. Rue shook her head where she walked on the thin bridge towards Joker.

"I see you found the best place on the whole ship," she heard Joker call out from the pilot's seat he was sitting in.

She chuckled. The seats in the cockpit were leather but she highly doubted it was the best place on the entire ship. Joker hadn't seen her captain's cabin after all.

"So what is she like?" She asked leaning against the back of Joker's seat, peering across his shoulder at the multiple screens.

"This baby is not really the Normandy, but she has some really cool features. If you're asking me if I can fly her... well, you should already know the answer to that.

"Relax, I'm just trying to make conversation. Why you so edgy anyway?"

Joker scowled. "It's that AI. I don't like it. It's like she's watching everything I do, my every move."

"I'm the Normandy's enhanced defense intelligence, it's my job to monitor everything that happens on the ship."

"See!" Joker hissed through the corner of his mouth.

"EDI's kept us out of a lot of trouble, let her be," Rue said watching the blue orb next to them before adding, "for now."

"So... Cerberus, Joker, why?"

"Uhm... Are we ignoring the whole best friend thing? we are, aren't we?"

"Best friends?" She looked around the cockpit. "Who? Where?"

Joker, her closest friend since the academy, let out at gusty snort. "I see how it is, get resurrected once and you become too good to remember who your real friends are."

She laughed squeezing his shoulder lightly. This was all new. Cerberus, the Normandy, and her entire crew. EDI. But Joker was the same. Always making her laugh. "I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, well, besides best friend duty... you were our commander, our leader, the one who united us. When you died it all sort of fell apart... and I was grounded. _Grounded._ With Cerberus at least I get to fly, and hey! My favourite commander is on board as well." Joker grinned from his seat as his hands moved this way and that across the screens.

"We were good, weren't we?"

"The best commander."

"Well... I really should go."

"Yeah, you should, you're getting soppy on me."

Whacking the back of his head she turned and walked back towards the elevator, observing the new ship crew with curiosity as she passed them. The new Normandy was impressive. Though Rue still hadn't gotten used to not having Navigator Pressly standing next to her, helping her navigate the Galaxy Map. And that yeoman... she was sweet enough to pay some attention to Rue thought to herself as she rounded the command deck. Yeoman Chambers looked up just in time to see Rue pass. The yeoman smiled endearingly as Rue winked and nodded before entering the elevator. Turning around she saw Kelly wink and smile back before the doors shut.

Rue chuckled and shook her head. Kelly Chambers was more than tempting, besides, her captain's quarter was far too empty. It was sterile and quiet, the only reminder of her previous life a framed photo of Liara on her desk. Entering her quarters she frowned. How _did _they know about that? _Easy. _Joker's voice rang in her head. _Everything from the original Normandy was recorded and kept in the black box_.

"Of course," she muttered.

Liara. She threw herself on to the bed. The last time she saw the Asari had been only moments before the explosion. _Go. Liara. Now!_

"You should have said 'I love you', you moron," she chided herself.

The Illusive Man had told her Liara could be found on Illium, but there was something else in Liara's dossier the Illusive Man had given her. Liara had moved on with her life. The dossier stated vaguely that Liara worked within information, and that she was very successful at whatever it was she was doing. She had been courted by many influential, and well-known names before she announced she was already spoken for. _Two years, Shepard. Can you really blame her_?

"Well, actually yes. Whatever happened to the joined for a lifetime part?"

_You died._

"Fuck..." She had nearly died when parts of Sovereign's hull had ripped through the tower at Citadel. Afterwards, Liara had made her promise to never do that again. Rue had vowed she wouldn't die, that she would always return. _So much for always keeping your promises._

"Shut up."

It had only been a week since she woke up and she was tired. Dreadfully so. And at times her body still ached. Dr Chakwas had said it was to be expected, she had been dead after all. Feeling her vision blur as sleep started to settle, she remembered that despite her death, most of her last crew had survived and everyone in her squad had escaped unscratched. It was a feat. A small one, but at least she hadn't failed at her job as a commander. Only as a lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, please leave a comment, if you liked this. don't know what to say?  
Here's a few suggestions:
> 
> 1\. Did you like it? What did you like?  
2\. Have you read the first 1.0 version of this posted 10 years ago? If so spot any of the changes?  
3\. Who do you think italics text at the beginning of each chapter is?


	3. The Noble Savage

* * *

_Rue was in many ways my saviour. She helped me see things I've never seen before, made me feel things I never felt before. She saved me that day when we met. From harm, but most importantly, from myself._

* * *

THE HEADACHES CAME MORE FREQUENTLY and lasted longer making her head feel like it had been hit by a huge sledgehammer. Rue swore under her breath as she leaned against the wall in the shower, letting the hot water wash over her. The sound of the water sprays crashing onto her reverberated through her head and she squeezed her eyes shut.

Being resurrected wasn't all what they made it out to be. It _hurt_. Why did they bring her back anyway? She had died, and where she stood she wished she had remained dead. The thought made her feel guilty, she should be happy to have been given a second chance. She should feel excited about having to solve an impossible mission. That's what would have made her happy before. The old her. The original her. Now she just felt tired and sore.

Glancing sideways she saw her own reflection in the bathroom mirror. This person, this _thing _staring back at her, it wasn't really her, or truth be told. _She _wasn't really her. This body was nothing but a shell, filled with a dead person's memories, feelings, thoughts, ambitions, everything that a person consisted of. Still, it was nothing but made up. Fake. She was as artificial as EDI, yet everyone regarded her with this strange sense of awe. And amidst everything she felt used. She hadn't been resurrected because someone thought she might miss her life, or be happier alive. She had been resurrected to do someone else's bidding. She was nothing more than a tool. A pawn. She may have opinions, but were they truly her own?

Stepping out from the shower cabin she wasn't sure what to believe. She hated not knowing what to think or what to do. It was the one thing that had gotten her this far, being able to know what to do without having to think about it, simply by reacting to any given situation. Now all she knew was that she had died as one person and come back as another.

Rue Shepard was tough, ruthless, in some peoples' eyes. Traumatised, they said. By what happened to her at Mindoir. The truth, however, was simple: Rue had more guts than most and was willing to risk herself and her crew for the good of the galaxy if need be. They all knew what they had signed up to, there was no dilly-dallying about it. If you were afraid to die, then you had no business in the Alliance. Everyone had to make sacrifices, Rue knew this, and working as a soldier and commander she was faced with difficult decisions daily. It was her job to make them. Out of the battle and in battle. The rush of battle could keep her going for hours, it was that adrenaline that pushed her to her limits, made her the best, but then...she had died.

_Fire as hot as the sun surrounds her, the Normandy shaking violently. There are explosions all around her, crew members laying scattered across the broken floor. Joker's arm is around her neck, then it's no longer there. Suddenly she's slung out from the ship, ribs breaking from the blast, suit ripping wide open at her neck, an intense pain rippling through her body. Images flashes. Not of her childhood, or her parents. Not of her comrades or her lover, but of every single face of those she has killed. One, two, three… forty-four, forty-five one hundred, two hundred. There were too many to count. Then, nothing. Nothing._

Drying her scarred face she stared at the sad woman in front of her. This one had come back, returned from the abyss of death. This one was not brave. Green eyes blinked. This one was scared. She covered her face with her towel as she breathed slowly. People depended on her. She could not afford to be afraid. Removing the towel she looked back at her reflection once again, this time strong and defiant. That would have to do for now. She knew the Cerberus director would be watching her every move, if she didn't act like the old her, Miranda would notice it. Apparently nothing escaped the watchful eyes of that woman.

* * *

"You had a check-up appointment with me this morning," Miranda said crossly as Rue stepped out from the elevator. She gave the brunette a flat stare before moving on to the kitchen. "Shepard!"

Rue grabbed her coffee turning around slowly, eyes narrowed. "I thought we had established that I was fine?" She moved towards the elevator closely followed by the director.

"You got _shot _yesterday. I need to evaluate your condition," Miranda argued.

"I've been shot before." She took another sip from her coffee.

"_Not _in this body you haven't." She was cut off by Miranda who placed herself between Rue and the elevator doors, arms crossed, eyes blazing with anger. "You may be the captain, but when it comes to Project Lazarus _I'm _the director and you _will_ do what I say." She emphasized the last few words before her lips thinned.

Rue felt her temper rising, this Miranda was very bold talking to her in such a manner. Taking a deep breath she willed herself to stay calm. She needed Cerberus to stop the Reapers. She had to play nicely. For now. Staring into Miranda's eyes she took a step backwards. "Fine. But I'm bringing my coffee."

Miranda sighed resolutely. "Just. Go. _Please._"

Rue smiled, despite herself, as she walked towards Miranda's office. Somehow, making the director's life, and therefore Cerberus' life, a little harder made her feel less guilty about using them to achieve her goals.

* * *

The office was spacious and Miranda had the luxury of having large windows gazing out at the vast darkness outside, planets and meteors streaking by like long-tailed orbs. Tilting her head slightly Rue's eyes landed on the large bed behind Miranda's desk.

"You really are married to the job." she pursed her lips leaning back into the chair.

"And you are lucky I am," Miranda replied shortly.

"Am I?" Rue bit her tongue the second she let the words slip past her lips.

Miranda gave her a concerned look as she put down the dossier she held in her hands. "Is there something bothering you?"

"Not at all, the subject is just fine." She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Miranda eyed her for a moment before deciding she was telling the truth. Either that or the director didn't want to press the issue further. "So, how are you feeling commander? How is your shoulder doing?"

"I feel fine, it was just a flesh wound, nothing serious." There wasn't any need for Miranda to know about the headaches, they would pass.

"I've noticed your sleep pattern seems irregular." Miranda looked through her notes then levelled her gaze with Rue's.

"You noticed my sleep pattern? How could you possibly have noticed my sleep pattern without breaking some very personal boundaries?" 

"Shepard, you're Project Lazarus subject and the Illusive Man's newest, most important asset. I've got EDI monitoring your cabin," Miranda said without flinching.

Rue stared incredulously at her. "You _what_?" She stood up, towering above the informant.

"Commander, think. If you were in my position, what would _you _do?"

Rue's eyes twitched her one hand balled up into a fist before she sat back down. Admittedly she would probably do the same. "You could have warned me, it's a breach of privacy and you know that."

"EDI only monitors physical states. She doesn't keep track of _everything_ you do," Miranda said the corner of her mouth trying not to quirk upwards.

Rue raised her eyebrow. "Oh, great. That makes me feel so much better."

"Well?" Miranda pressed, bringing them back to the subject.

"It's fine. I always sleep like that…"

"Had any nausea, headaches or experienced memory loss?"

Rue willed herself to not flinch. "No. Nothing of the sort."

"Well then, Commander. You're free to leave. I will fill in this report and send it to the Illusive Man."

Rue nodded before getting up. "I'll let you work then."

* * *

Miranda watched the doors close behind the commander only to slid open seconds later.

"How can I help you, Commander?" Miranda asked, slightly bewildered as to why Shepard had returned so suddenly. It seemed Shepard had something on her mind and she stood staring at Miranda before she opened her mouth.

"Are you always this… focused?"

"Focused?" Miranda quirked her eyebrow. That's not what the commander had meant to say.

"I was going to say cold, but it sounded cruel," the commander said bluntly, observing her as she did so.

Though Shepard's words stung they were neither original nor unusual when it came to describing her. Quite the opposite, and for good reason. Keeping her emotions in check and keeping people at an arm's length was what had gotten her this far. It had helped her survive. Escape her crazy, egomaniac father. Not only that, it was how she had been designed. To be the best, the smartest. That–she had learnt–did not earn you any friends. Being her-being Miranda Lawson-meant being alone. Miranda kept her mask on, clasping her hands on the desk in front of her. "I don't see the point with your question."

"Look, Lawson, you keep prodding and poking me, and I'm sure you know more of me than I do, but you're also apart of my team. That means I want to know who's got my back out there. I want to know who I can trust." The commander looked at her intensely.

It did make sense, of course it did. Miranda had just told Shepard she was letting EDI keep records of her private life in the cabin, it would seem only fair for Shepard to want something in return, but Miranda just didn't know what Shepard's goal was. Was she going to use Cerberus for her own agenda? The Illusive Man might be overly impressed with the commander, but Miranda doubted he recognized Shepard for what she was, _one _woman. The whole galaxy, the Illusive Man included, praised Shepard for her skills –she had saved the Citadel, and the council from certain doom, after all. But that were two years ago and the person standing in front of Miranda had been woken up too early.

No doubt it had Shepard's memories and tissue, and quite a few nice upgrades, but was she ready? Was this Shepard really ready for the mission? There were no guarantees Shepard could do this, not now. Miranda hadn't planned on waking Shepard up just yet. They needed more time to run test on the subject. _The subject_… She'd spent every day these past two years piecing the commander back together. Every hour of the day had been spent researching Shepard's past going through dossier by dossier, finding out everything there was to know. Medical history, personal history. She had read Shepard's psychological evaluation, watched recorded interviews, read old reports about Shepard's achievements, she had even talked to the commander's old lover, the Asari doctor Liara T'Soni. She'd studied Shepard for so long and so well that Shepard had been reduced to a thing rather than a person to the director.

Perhaps if they had integrated Shepard with the control chip Miranda would have felt safer, felt more certain that Shepard would be an asset and not a liability, but as it was, Shepard was not integrated with a chip.

"Commander, let me tell you about myself. I can shoot the head off any target from a distance of a hundred meters, and was I to find myself without any weapons I could just as easily take out any target using only my biotics."

Shepard looked bored and least of all impressed where she sat. "I'm sure you can handle yourself. But I'm not interested in your merits. I want to know who _you _are." Shepard slid forwards on the chair and pointed her finger at her in an authoritarian manner. "Integrity says a lot about a person."

_I have integrity. You don't even know me! _Miranda wanted to retort, but kept silent. Shepard was trying to provoke her. "All you need to know is that I'm more than capable, now, we can either just sit here and talk about it or we could get this done. Like I told you I'm _not _here to make friends."

"Clearly."

* * *

Rue was annoyed where she stood by her private terminal staring at the screen. It had been a simple question. A single simple question, and yet, the director had refused to answer it. It wasn't like she had asked for Miranda's life story, she just wanted to know who she was. _Why do you want to know anyway?_ She knit her brows together. Why did she want to know? Was it really that she needed to know if she could trust Miranda? How could she trust Miranda? The woman reported straight to the Illusive Man, she worked directly and _willingly_ for this group.

As much as Rue wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt her Alliance background held her in a firm grip and Cerberus was and would never be any more than a human terrorist group. They only had the best interest of humans at heart and this was their excuse to use and blackmail aliens. Even humans when their cause called for it. They were extremists using a good cause as their front. Rue didn't like it at all. One only had to scrape on the surface to see that everything wasn't as it seemed when it came to Cerberus, and so far the director had given Rue no reason to trust her.

Rue shook her head. This could prove to be a problem. She needed to know Miranda would not be a liability to her crew on this mission, still at the same time she needed her. She needed Cerberus. As much as she hated to admit it the Alliance had given up on her, they had declared her dead. She had been dead. She looked up abruptly as something occurred to her. _How _had they gotten hold of her body?

"Commander?" Yeoman Chambers was standing next to her, a coy smile, eyes sparkling.

"Yes?"

"You have unread messages at your terminal." The yeoman said.

"Kelly… I'm _at _my terminal…" Rue said slowly.

"I know, but I had written a note to remind you, so I thought I might as well use that excuse to come talk to you." She bit her bottom lip.

Rue chuckled. "You don't need an excuse to talk to me, do you?"

"Well, I'll remember that." Kelly smiled before her terminal made a faint beeping noise. "Talk to you later, Commander."

Rue watched her go with an amused grin. Working with Cerberus certainly had its perks. This would have annoyed Liara. She laughed to herself before sighing. She couldn't shake the thought of the Asari. Looking at yeoman Chambers she knew she would enjoy spending a night or two with her, but she also knew she longed for something else. Someone else. Scanning her unread messages she was hoping to see the Asari's name, but upon searching her inbox twice she found no sign of the Liara's name. _What did you expect_?

She blew out a breath. "I don't know."

* * *

"I don't get it Jacob!" Miranda threw her hands into the air. "I told her everything and she wasn't even remotely impressed!" She paced back and forth inside Jacob's office. "She should be ecstatic to have me on her team. I'm superior to anyone else, and she didn't even flinch!"

"Human." Jacob said shortly as he kept organizing the different upgrade parts for their weapons on his table.

"What?" She stopped pacing.

"Superior to any human." Jacob corrected her calmly, the former alliance soldier who she had almost shared a bed with once. Almost. "Miranda." Jacob looked up from his work putting the upgrades aside. "Shepard's not like that. Statistics won't impress her. Courage and heart will, and we both know you got it. But Shepard needs to know that as well."

Miranda sighed heavily and sagged into one of the large armchairs. "Jacob… do you really think she's ready for this?"

"You spent the last two years on this project because you believed in it. You _know _she's ready. Besides, this is the woman who led a small team against Saren and his army and defeated him. Of course she's ready."

"It's my head on the line if she isn't… perhaps I can evaluate her one more time, just to be sure."

"Well, you should hurry up then, we're picking up the convict in two hours. Although you could try and just talk to her, you know," Jacob said returning his attention to the upgrades, leaving the director to ponder his words quietly to herself.

"Fine," she muttered as she got up and left the room.

"Fine, what?" Jacob called from behind her before the doors shut.

* * *

"I don't trust you."

Shepard lifted her eyes from the tray of food staring into Miranda's blue eyes.

"Blunt enough," she replied taking a sip from her glass of water. "Have a seat."

Miranda placed her tray on the table in front of the commander. "The black triangle. What is it for?"

Shepard quirked her eyebrow before looking down at the space between her thumb and index finger. A black triangle with perfectly straight lines had been tattooed into her skin. "You really did think of everything." She sounded impressed and Miranda smiled, holding her head slightly higher.

"I had it done ages ago on Bekenstein when my first unit and I stopped there before a mission. It's a reminder of the family I lost."

"I…" Miranda felt a pang of guilt as she realized it probably wasn't anything the commander ever talked about. She hadn't read it in any of the dossiers and Liara, the Asari who possessed many–if not all–of Shepard's memories through the meld, hadn't told her such thing.

"Didn't know? No, it's not in the files, I guess."

Miranda studied the commander. So this was the key to who Shepard was. It wasn't the glory, or the fame, not even revenge that drove her. Suddenly, Miranda saw it so clearly. How could she have been so blind? How could any of them? Every mission successfully completed, every civilian and soldier saved was the very face of Shepard's family. She did it for redemption! But why would Shepard blame herself? She had been nothing more than a child, sixteen the reports said, and she had still taken out nearly one third of the Batarian raiders that had attacked her colony. Shepard would no doubt have killed more if she hadn't been shot and fallen off the cliff she was hiding on. Assumed to be dead the raiders left her barely alive to be found by the Alliance team several hours later.

_She wonders why her_. Miranda realised. It stunned the director where she sat. She had heard many stories of the woman who had brought Saren and Sovereign to their knees. All of them told the story of this strong woman who feared nothing. This soldier who was ruthless, who stopped at nothing. But none of the stories could ever do the commander justice. None of them described what Miranda saw sitting there in front of her. This was the very reason Shepard was known to be such a great leader: because she cared about her crew. The commander may not regard her own life with much respect, but she would die for her comrades. Miranda had read in one report that Shepard referred to herself as nothing more than a noble savage, this statement had left many confused, but now it made perfect sense. Miranda suddenly saw the person sitting in front of her. That person would go to any extent to keep them safe. Could Miranda really say the same about herself?

"So…" Shepard interrupted the awkward silence that had settled. "Ever had anything done yourself?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Shepard chuckled, folding her arms, weighing on her chair. "Is that an offer?"

Miranda snorted. "In your dreams, Commander."

"Oh, I forgot, we're not supposed to be friends." Shepard smiled wryly. "I should take my leave before anyone sees you actually enjoy talking over lunch." She fired off an annoyingly charming smile before leaving Miranda feeling slightly irked, yet… intrigued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
If you liked this, please leave a comment and/or kudos.  
It's quick and easy and you don't have to be a member.  
Don't know what to say? Here's some suggestions:
> 
> 1\. Did you like it? What did you like?  
2\. Have you read this before? If so, what kind of changes are you hoping to see in LWWNH 2.0?  
3\. Which character do you want to see more of?


	4. Building Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Welcome back.  
Glad you decided to stick around. :)
> 
> So, for those of you who read the story before, the small changes made were the entire conversation between Joker and Rue in the cockpit. I decided their relationship needed to be established earlier on in the story and not just thrown in later that they're besties. 
> 
> Also, I'm recovering from top surgery, so updates will be a little slow to start off with. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this newest, fixed chapter.

* * *

_Rue never knew the effect she had on me. She was never aware of the effect she had on anyone. Rue was not the typical leader. She never demanded loyalty. She earned it. That was what everyone admired about her. That was why I fell in love with her. In battle, she was as cold and heartless as stone, but for those in need, she was the solid shelter and warm comfort. She inspired people. Gave them hope. She was a hero to them, but to me, she was just Rue. The woman I held close at night. Who loved me for an eternity, or maybe just a moment. No matter how long or short I will never regret it. Giving myself to her. I only regret not telling her. Maybe one day you will._

* * *

SHE WOKE UP SCREAMING, her heart racing. Staring wildly about the room, sitting up in her empty bed she covered her face with her hands as she wept uncontrollably. The dream was always the same. The Normandy, the safety pods. Then the instant pain she had felt when Rue had seized to exist. She’d been strapped into her seat inside the pod when it felt like someone thrust a hand inside her chest and ripped out her lounges and heart. She had screamed then as the bond between her and her lover had been severed. A blood-curling scream had erupted from her lips as she clutched at her chest.

Forcing herself to breathe slowly the Asari pulled up the cover, shielding herself from the cold air in her luxurious apartment reaching for the water glass next to the bed. It had been two years and six weeks since that fateful night on The Normandy and still, the nightmares kept returning. They had become more vivid since she left the remains of Rue’s body with the Cerberus group and the guilt kept gnawing away at her. She knew it was wrong. Rue wouldn’t have wanted that, but she couldn’t face losing her, and still… that’s exactly what she had done, and not only that, she had sacrificed a friend to recover Rue’s body. Rue would have chided her.

She smiled at the thought of the striking commander she had met all those years ago. She had been like a silly teenage girl, only one hundred and six, and instantly infatuated with the charming commander. She remembered their first meld and the sensation it had invoked within her. How she had blushed when she caught Rue eyeing her appreciatively. It had been so new to her, so thrilling and enticing. It was unlike anything else she had ever experienced, and even for her lack of skills in communication, she was terrible when talking to Rue. The commander had been patient with her, giving her space when she needed it, nudged her a little extra when she wanted it. Then they had joined. Liara had never been surer of anything. In Rue’s presence, she was weakened, sparks flew like a glorious firework display whenever they were in each other’s presence. No logic, no paragraphs or rules could talk sense into her when Rue stood close to her.

Twenty-one nights. That’s how many nights they had spent together. Twenty-one mornings was how many mornings she had woken up to find Rue grinning next to her before pulling her into an embrace. Sometimes when she woke up, and the sun hit her face Liara could swear she saw Rue’s head on the pillow next to her, but then when she reached out to touch her she was no longer there. Nothing but thin air her poor replacement.

Leaning her head into her palm Liara sighed before looking out at Illium’s magnificent skyline. Two long years and still she hadn’t heard a word about Cerberus progress with Rue. As much as she wanted to think it was wrong, parts of her hoped they would have succeeded by now. She shook her head. What would it matter anyway? Even if Rue came knocking on her door tomorrow, she couldn’t just take off with her. No, she had to find a way to help Feron. She was indebted to him and she would make the Shadow Breaker pay for what he had done, all the pain he had caused. The Shadow Broker was going to sell Rue to the highest bidder–to the collectors! He deserved no less than what was coming for him. There was no mercy in her heart, only cold, pure hatred. Innocence had since long left the Asari’s fair face and now her jaws clenched with cold determination that would have scared the commander. Throwing her covers aside she grabbed her robe as she went. The Shadow Broker never slept. Why should she?

* * *

The Purgatory ship was enormous and despite that Miranda could hear the distant screams from the prisoners echo and bounce between the walls. She didn’t feel particularly affected by this; they deserved to be here. Although she wasn’t entirely sure she agreed with the warden’s view on making a profit from a business such as this one. Then again, it was just another way of earning one’s living. Morality really had nothing to do with it, and in all fairness, the warden made sure these criminals were locked away, unable to cause any problems or harm. There were, of course, a thousand loopholes in this theory as well, but she hadn’t had the time to read all the files about this place to analyse it properly.

Shepard however seemed rather concerned with how the inmates were treated and had already had time to threaten a guard to let him have a taste of his own medicine if he didn’t stop the beating they witnessed. Shepard had sounded dangerously angry, and the guard had, understandably so, lost his nerve and interrupted the beating. Miranda smiled despite herself because for some strange, moronic and unexplainable reason to her, she found the commander endearing trying to stop a beating on a ship like the Purgatory.

They were following the guard sent to guide them to Jack, Shepard looking stern as she interrogated him about the Purgatory. Miranda glanced sideways at Jacob who looked uninterested and bored when she heard Shepard’s voice call out to her.

“Miranda, I remember what the protocol was called.”

Miranda blinked in confusion. _What_? Looking over at the commander she saw Shepard place her hands behind her back, right hand covering her left as her right index finger tapped quickly on the side of her left hand. Something was amiss.

“Yes, _The Reaper and Protheans_.”

The what?Miranda racked her brain. Shepard was trying to tell her something, but what. Watching Shepard’s finger tap Miranda silently cursed herself for not taking those Morse code classes her father had tried to make her take. _Think Miranda… She’s using a code._

“I must forward it to the office then.” _Think!_

“That you must do,” Shepard said flatly.

_Lettering! What were the words again?_ ”The Reaper And Protheans, you said?”

“Sure did.”

**_T_**_he **R**eapers **A**nd **P**rotheans. Trap! _Turning to Jacob without flinching she lowered her eyes towards his gun. He caught on to her signal giving her a barely visible nod.

“I know where that file is. I’ll have it sent first thing when we get back.”

“Well Commander, just go inside that room and Jack should be there,” The guard said pointing towards a doorway.

“Thank you,” Shepard said before her arms flew up towards the guard’s head. She wrung it so fiercely it snapped with a loud crunching noise. Two guards rushed through the opened door behind them, weapons firing at them. Miranda and Jacob flared their biotics crushing them, clearing their way before Shepard had time to draw her gun.

“Nice work.” She smiled a crooked smile at them before turning around. “Now let’s get Jack and get the hell out of here.”

Guards came running from all directions as the warden’s voice rumbled from the speakers above their head. “Shepard! I was hoping you wouldn’t put up a fight. It would be easier to just let me capture you. If you do, I promise you, no harm will come to your friends. You are worth a lot of credits, and I have more manpower than you have bullets.”

“It'll be easier if you give up, asshole! You _don’t _want to be my enemy!” The commander shouted as she stormed towards the guards, closely followed by the two biotics.

* * *

Illium was quiet during this time of the night and Liara marvelled at the serenity that had settled across the otherwise bustling city. She let her hand slide along the cold railing of the balcony as she slowly wandered the length of it. The brisk night breeze caressed her face, and she closed her eyes, the dossier from her desk, still switched off, resting in her free hand. The dream had unsettled her. Had awoken the strong longing she had suppressed for so long. She feared it would overwhelm her, so powerful was it she thought it might bring her to her knees.

She had travelled all across the galaxy to recover Rue’s body. She had fought Blue Suns, turians, batarians, any type of mercenary one could think of. She had done all of that because she believed Rue might still be alive at first, despite what had happened to their bond. She had persuaded herself it was the blast, the distance, anything else but… death. Then Feron had told her and numbness had swallowed her like a black hole devoured a spaceship. She had demanded to see the body, making sure it was really Rue. That was before the Blue Sun agents attacked. Things after that seemed like a haze and she remembered it with difficulty. Maybe because she chose to. It was too hard to think of. Despite knowing better, she had left Rue’s body in the hand of Cerberus. Somehow it seemed better than in the hands of the collectors or any other thieving crew. In a galaxy full of wrong it seemed like the lesser evil.

She stopped her slow walk and leaned against the railing. Her guilt felt self-indulgent now. She couldn’t change the choice she made, and the asari wasn’t sure she’d do it differently if given the choice again. Rue meant too much to her. When it came to the red-headed commander Liara was fiercely selfish. She wasn’t proud about it, but it was the truth.  
She lifted her hand with the dossier and switched it on. She might not be able to redeem herself for what she did with Rue’s body, but she could try still try to save Feron–if he was still alive, then at least his blood would not be on her hands.

* * *

“Shepard, they’ve seen us!” Miranda alerted the commander. Rue barely had time to dodge the hissing bullet as she ducked in behind some crates for cover. This was an unpleasant surprise.

Guards and mechs poured in from the far end of the large cargo hold. Some of them continued onwards while others broke the formation to chase after the rampant inmates who’d been let out by Rue when she freed Jack from cryo. It was that or lose the convict, and that wasn’t part of Rue’s plan. Mechs who marched mechanically towards them firing their weapons quickly replaced the fallen guards. _Shit_!

Even though killing living species was never fun business, mechs were far more difficult and time consuming to kill. Bullets tore through the air with the familiar mechanical click as clips were emptied and released. Rue’s head pounded with excitement and fear, adrenaline coursing through her veins. Closing her eyes, she listened to the rhythmic rattling of guns fired. _Thump. Thump. Thump-thump-thump. Click. _There it was. It was fast, instant, but the only opportunity Rue needed. Her eyes snapped open, and she kicked out from the wall, blasting the mechs with her Phalanx as she slid across the floor. Miranda and Jacob followed suit bolting out from their covers.

Miranda’s hand glowed with her biotic powers as an invisible force erupted from her hands throwing five of the mechs off balance. Jacob pulled and levitated another one high in the air. It crashed ungracefully to the floor. Reloading her guns, Rue charged at the enemies, arms held in front of her, shield active. At first, she ran, ducking into cover every now and then, but then she slowed into long, determined steps, felling one mech after the other. Releasing the emptied clips she swiped her guns at the fully loaded clips strapped to the side of her thighs. The clips clicked into the empty valve with a reassuring snap. Throwing her arms out to her sides she took out the remaining mechs. And then she heard it: the Heavy Mech that appeared in the corner of her eye.

“Of course,” she muttered.

“Overload!” Miranda shouted firing off a powerful blast at the Heavy Mech.

“Take out its shields!” Rue ordered as she spun on her heels and sprinted towards it. Best way to kill something–shoot it in the head. Hurtling across a ramp flanking the Heavy Mech’s right side Rue used the small rising to push herself into the air as she leapt towards the large killing machine.

“Commander!” The raven-haired director exclaimed antagonized.

Rue grit her teeth as she somersaulted through the air across the Heavy Mech. Steadying her arms, she emptied the last of her ammunition into the mech’s head. Hilts sprayed from her guns, landing like raindrops on the ground with clicking noises. The mech’s head exploded as she landed in a crouch behind it.

“Move a single muscle and I’ll blow your brains out,” a cold voice snarled, pressing the muzzle against the back of her head. “And drop your weapons.”

Rue grinned letting her guns drop to the floor. “You _have got _to be Jack.”

The woman rounded her and Rue could see the colourful tattoos that graced her lithe frame. She glared angrily at Rue who stood up slowly.

“How do you know my name? Who the fuck are you?” She waved her shotgun in Rue’s face moving menacingly towards her.

“I’m Rue Shepard.”

The convict drew to a stop. “Wait. Shepard? _The _Shepard? You’re the bitch who blew up that Reaper ship.” Jack took a step backwards, studying Rue with scrutinizing eyes.

“That would be me. I’ve been looking for you.”

“I thought you were dead.”

“I was. Now I’m looking to recruit people for my team.”

“You think I would join your… whatever your—” The woman caught herself mid-sentence when she saw Jacob and Miranda step out from their hiding places, her expression darkening even more. “Cerberus? You’re working for _them_? Those assholes did this to me!” The convict’s face contorted as she started to pace back and forth, hands gripping the shotgun tighter.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

“Well, _fuck_ you!” Jack spat. “I’ll have nothing to do with these assholes.” She nodded towards Miranda and Jacob glaring daggers at them.

“I’m sorry,” Jacob said in his calm, diplomatic voice, slowly taking a step forward. “I don’t know what Cerberus might have done to upset you, but you’d be answering to Commander Shepard.”

“Yeah? And who does Shepard answer to, Boy Scout?”

“I answer to _no one_.” Rue cut them both off. “Now this place is going down and I want to be gone before shit hits the fan. You can stay here or come with us. Either way, we’re leaving. Now.” Rue turned her back towards the convict. They could stay and bicker or they could make sure they got off the station in once piece.

“If I go with you I want access to every single file that Cerberus has on me.”

“That’s not possible, those files are classified information.” Miranda pointed out.

“Who asked you, Cheerleader?” Jack waved her gun at the informant.

“Consider it done. Now_ move_ out.” Rue ordered as the ship shook violently.

“Fine. Oh, and just so you know... this ship is set to self-destruct should it ever be breached,” Jack said.

“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it?” Shepard swore under her breath. Did everything have to be so difficult?

“Commander, I’m rerouting you out. The entrance to the dock area is blocked and cannot be accessed. You should move towards the lower wards. There’s a landing bridge there. Used to transport inmates.” EDI’s voice coordinated her.

“Make ready for pickup in five minutes,” Rue commanded turning a right turn, running down the metal staircase the other hot on her heels.

* * *

Liara moved away from the railing casting one last glance across her shoulder before retreating into her apartment. The sky was still dark, the faint stars glittering like fireflies above her head. She had read about the creatures in one of her books while researching the human culture.

Her apartment was nicely designed, by asari standards. Opulent with high ceilings, large panorama windows allowing her to always take comfort in the magnificent view of Illium. It was by anyone’s standard extravagant. She moved slowly down the stairs that bent around a thick pillar.

The dossier had been useless. Nothing she didn’t already know about the Shadow Broker was in it, all the same old info, but no clue as to where his hideout could be found. It was like chasing a ghost. Whenever she thought she had something it turned out to be a cold trail, or worse, inaccurate. Every attempt she had made to intercept the Shadow Broker’s movement had failed.  
Walking over to the kitchen she stared at the fancy coffee machine. She had bought it when she first arrived at Illium still somewhere secretly hoping Shepard would come walking into the kitchen grumbling something about blasted Reapers, early hours and no coffee. Some mornings Rue barely managed to grunt before having one of her morning coffees. Liara shook her head ruefully. Shepard had never even visited the apartment, and yet her presence was etched into it from memories that wouldn’t fade. Liara didn’t want them to either, but some days when the emptiness felt like the only true thing in the world, she wished that they at least would not affect her so.

She pulled the robe closer around her and drew a deep breath where she stood. Reminiscing would get her nowhere. She had to focus on the Shadow Broker, on how to bring him down. It would keep her mind off of things most days.

“_Will this ever be over?” The young asari asks as she pulls the human’s arm tighter around her waist._

“_I don’t know.” Rue answers before kissing Liara’s favourite spot, pulling the asari closer, her body wrapped perfectly around Liara’s. “What do you think it would be like?”_

“_What?”_

“_Staying here. Just you and me, until it’s all over. No more fighting Geth, no more fighting the council.”_

“_It would be irresponsible.” Liara smiles at the thought._

“_But it would be worth it. Sometimes I want to leave, hand the task over to someone else.”_

_Turning around the asari looks at the commander. “You don’t just fight this war for the council or everyone else. You fight it for us. You and me. Our future.”_

Liara stood staring into space, lost in thoughts before she inhaled sharply pulling herself together. Whatever future they may or may not have planned didn’t matter anymore. Rue was gone. It was up to Liara to help keep the galaxy safe. Taking down the Shadow Broker seemed like a good way to start.

* * *

Jack leapt on to the Normandy closely followed by Jacob when the whole ship shook violently. Miranda stumbled backwards into Shepard who grabbed her arm, holding her firmly.

“Go, go, go!” She shouted when the bridge tore off the landing, thick flames and smoke engulfing it.

The director and commander were slung backwards from the blast crashing into the metal doors behind them. Shelves toppled over, lamps came off the ceiling and crashed down onto the floor, glass shattering everywhere as the flames burst up all around them. Shaking her head Shepard grunted before sitting up. Miranda crawled into a crouch, ducking the flames that licked the ceiling above their heads.

Shepard’s ears rang from the loud explosion and she made a wry face as her earpiece crackled.

“Commander, can you hear us?” Jacob’s voice sounded distant in their earpieces.

“Jacob, I read you. EDI, how do we get out of here?” Shepard asked staring at the belching flames and smoke separating them from the Normandy.

“The door behind you has been blocked by debris from the blast, and the ducts have filled with smoke. The only way out is straight ahead.”

“EDI, straight ahead is a _sea of fire_.”

“I’m sorry, Commander, that is the only exit point I can detect.”

“What now?” Miranda turned to the commander whose eyes swept across the room until they stopped. She walked over to a shelf that had toppled over in the explosion.

It was a large shelf and a metal wire wrapped itself around its four corners, top to bottom, to keep the shipments in place while placed on the shelf. Kneeling next to it Shepard pulled out a small object resembling a miniature torch. A small laser beam shot out from it severing the wire at both ends.

“Nifty little thing.” Shepard grinned pulling at the wire.

“I’m glad to see your spending spree at Harrot’s Emporium wasn’t a complete waste,” Miranda commented dryly. The commander certainly knew how to spend credits.

“You just wait till I’m done with this,” Shepard muttered in concentration as she fastened the wire to a big barrel, “then I’ll rock your world.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” Very few things impressed Miranda. Even fewer things—she pursed her lips—_rocked _her world. “What are we doing?”

“You’ll see. EDI, how close can you get to us?”

“According to my calculations no closer than thirty feet.”

“And with your skill Joker?”

“Another six feet.”

“I strongly advise not to–”

“It’s okay, mom. I can handle it.” Joker cut the AI off sourly.

“Good, now Jacob, I will use my Throw on a barrel, throwing it your way, I think… when you see it... pull. Pull it until you can secure it on the Normandy. Understood?”

“Yes, Commander.”

Waiting for Joker’s signal Shepard wrapped the wire around her arm and her hand, her face set hard as she stared at the wall of fire in front of them.

“Commander, we’re in position.”

Shepard backed away from the barrel, gripping the thin wire firmly in her hand. Turning to Miranda she grinned impishly and held out her hand. “Miranda, get over here now.”

“Wait, what are we…?”

“Your belt.” Rue interrupted her. “Loosen it up and strap it around our waists.”

Suddenly, realising what Shepard was about to do the director found herself backing away. “Are you _insane_?”

“Probably, but this is our only way out of here.” Shepard motioned with her hand.

“It’s suicide! There has got to be another way.” Miranda tried to argue.

“Listen to me.” Rue stepped forward and grabbed her wrist pulling her closer. “You have to trust me.”

Miranda’s mind reeled. Now? She had to trust Shepard _now?_ Shepard wanted to leap through a wall of fire with the aid of a wire as thin as a mouse’s tail. Rue locked eyes with her.

“_Trust me_.”

Trust Shepard. Impossible. This idea was risky, foolhardy and absolutely—

“We can either go down with this ship or we can try our best to get off it.” Shepard’s voice was gentle but determined. Pushing only enough for Miranda to blink up at her.  
The commander’s eyes burned with raw determination. Perhaps this wouldn’t normally work, but Shepard was determined to pull it off. If Shepard had set her mind to something there was little–if no–stopping her.

“Okay. Fine.” Miranda heard herself say before strapping her belt around their waists. Shepard, ever the stoic soldier said nothing but for a brief moment, Miranda thought she could see relief flash through the green eyes. Then the commander turned her attention away, brows drawn in concentration as she nudged the barrel away from them with her foot.

“Jacob, you've got incoming!” Shepard called as she used what little biotic she had to hurl the barrel through the air. The wire tensed, pulling them towards the fire slightly.

“Okay, hold on to me,” Rue instructed as she pulled the informant closer. “Oh, and this is strictly professional.” She added.

Miranda chuckled in response partly at the bizarre situation, partly because she was sure it wasn’t _strictly _professional.

“When I say, activate your shields, okay?”

The director nodded, bracing herself.

“And I need you to do one more thing.”

“Whatever you need, Commander.”

“When we get through that fire, I need you to pull.”

“On what?”

“The Normandy.”

“The Normandy? But I can’t pull anything _that big_. It won’t pull, we’ll be…”

“Pulled towards it.” Shepard filled in, smugness bleeding into her voice.

Impressed and slightly terrified by the commander’s plan Miranda nodded quietly before looking at Shepard. “Are you sure this will work?”

“Well… Technically it… _could _work.”

“Commander, we’re ready. The wire has been fastened and secured. We’ll take off at your command.”

“Go, Joker! Miranda, shields now!”

Flaring her shields she felt herself jerked upwards roughly. Shepard grunted in discomfort as her arm was pulled above their heads, holding both of their weights. They flew through the air hitting the wall of fire with a dull thud. The fire surrounded them for mere seconds, but Miranda's shields burned out almost immediately and she hid her face from the intense heat at Rue’s neck, clinging on to the commander desperately. She didn’t look up until she felt cold air wash over them.

Air rushed past them, cooling her cheeks and neck as she looked up and saw the Normandy. _Pull!_ She pulled for all she was worth. She could see Jacob and Jack pulling, their hands glowing with biotics. They sped up towards the Normandy tumbling through the opened gateway, crashing into the airlocks back wall, a mess of tangled arms and legs. They lay still just breathing heavily, both of them no doubt feeling the adrenaline pumping through them.

“We have got to do that again.” Shepard laughed after a few seconds earning herself a slap from the director.

Miranda rolled over, still tangled up with the commander, bringing her face close to Shepard’s. She narrowed her eyes in an attempt to sober the Commander up. “If I find you’ve so much as gotten a scratch on your body from this… I swear to god…”

“Why Lawson,” Shepard’s voice dipped into a low, soft voice, “if you wanted to see me out of uniform, you could’ve just asked…”

She blinked. Taken aback by the sudden tingle that darted up her neck. Shepard laughed at her then, a burst of throaty pleasant laughter, eyes crinkling at the corners. No. No, this wouldn’t do at all! Shepard wasn’t supposed to be laughing at her, and Miranda certainly wasn’t supposed to be smiling back, having to bite down on her own laughter. _Stop it! _She berated herself.

“There is nothing there I haven’t seen before. Two years, remember.”

“Well, that’s just not fair…”

“It was strictly professional. But unlike you, when I say that, I actually mean it.”

“Is that so?” Shepard raised an eyebrow. “Funny, because I’m not the one pinning you to the ground.” Green eyes sparkled and suddenly the close proximity, the lack of space between their bodies made Miranda struggle for a comeback.

“Uh…Commander?” the turian’s mandibles twitched as the rest of the crew stared down at them.

Miranda quickly disentangled herself from the commander, Jacob helping her to get back to her feet.

“This was reckless, Shepard. Cerberus didn’t bring you back only so you could get yourself killed again.” She glared at the commander dusting herself off. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal,” Shepard replied voice stern, brows drawn together. 

“Good.” Was all she offered the commander before turning to leave. She wasn’t there to be charming, and she certainly wasn’t to be charmed. So why, why did her chest tingle ever so slightly at the thought of the commander following her exit with curious eyes?

* * *

“Liara,” Nyxeris said carefully as she entered her office.

Lifting her gaze from the multiple screens she smiled at her secretary. “Yes?”

“Did you hear the news this morning about the Purgatory?”

“The prisoner ship?” Liara frowned. She rarely listened to the news nowadays. Whatever information she needed and could sell would not be heard on the news, therefore it had little to no meaning to her.

“Supposedly there was a breakout and the ship self-destructed. From what I’ve heard there was a human terrorist group responsible for the attack.”

“That’s odd.” Human terrorist group? It sounded eerily familiar.

“I…” Nyxeris wore a strange look on her face.

“What is it?”

“They know how blew up the ship.”

Liara’s frown grew deeper. Where was this going?

“It was the human spectre. It was Commander Shepard.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, please leave a comment, if you liked this. don't know what to say?  
Here's a few suggestions:
> 
> 1\. Did you like it? What did you like?  
2\. Have you read the first 1.0 version of this posted 10 years ago? If so spot any of the changes?  
3\. Who do you think italics text at the beginning of each chapter is?


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